


The Celebrity Hunger Games

by crystalkardashians



Category: The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9065005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalkardashians/pseuds/crystalkardashians
Summary: Not your usual hunger games fanfic.





	1. Chapter 1

So one day as Beyoncé willed the sun to rise and threatened record stores to sell copies of 4 instead of 21 by a certain fat woman, Kelly Roland comes screeching and running in.

"Your majesty, the princess B is missing!!!"

"Bitch i certainly do not care about Britney Spears aka the flop princess of starbucks."

"N-n-no, it's blue ivy, she's been stolen!!"

"Calm your tits slave, I can always go over to Madonna's and borrow a black child, I heard she keeps a barrel of them in her basement."

"But queen we have to get whoever who stole your child...."

"Well, off with their heads whoever they are."

Marching out onto Hollywood boulevard, Beyoncé tosses several grammys and michelle williams through people's windows (a grammy hits katy perry and knocks her out but bey don't curr).

"There will be a meeting in my very grand and flawless sitting room in 5 minutes, weaves will be snatched and lives will be lost if no one shows up..."

and of course, no one showed up......

well except for Rihanna who has been asleep behind the piano since Jay-z's party two days ago.

"Sensible, something drastic has to be done to teach these fat hoes to obey the queen's orders", she muses as she trips on Rihanna's forehead and chips a nail.

AAAAREEERRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

So that was how the hunger games started. Whatever you've seen in those movies or in the trilogy written by Suzanne Collins are all lies, president snow who?

And may the odds be ever in your favour.

lol jk they will never


	2. Panem's Next Top Weave Snatcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some bitches get very bald, others get murdered. xoxo

The days pass in a blur of Mariah Carey trying not to look fat on the red carpet, Britney trying to get her relevance back and Lady Gaga arriving everywhere on a horse who was actually JLo in a costume. But no one wants to know about onstage nip slips and how Jessie J shaved her head again so we'll just cut straight to the point.

.

.

.

Rising out onto the arena, Nicki Minaj tried to prevent her enormous wig from falling off her head as unwilling announcer Michelle Williams went "Bla bla bla bla bla and may the odds be ever in your favour." And with the crashing of a gong as well as Beyonce's perfect vocals belting singles from I Am... Sasha Fierce, the cornucopia erupted into a flurry of catty remarks, weave snatching and shade throwing.

The camera zooms in and we spot Adele shoving several other divas away from a bucket of fried chicken, one of them happens to be Mariah and she promptly slams hard into Madonna, breaking the latter's hip. Sensing the perfect chance, Christina Aguilera aka xtinasus launches into the opening verse of Your Body (buy lotus on iTunes!!!), this sends an earthquake rippling through the arena and causes Britney to fall off a nearby cliff. This however isn't the end for our princess of pop as she crashes through the roof of a Starbucks at the base of the cliff and is approached by a confused Lil Kim asking what size drink she wants.

Back where all the action is taking place, we spot Katy Perry making a beeline for a pile of Grammy awards whilst dragging Rihanna by the hair away from a garden of marijuana plants. A fierce fight worthy of the real housewives of Atlanta also breaks out between Madonna, Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj, with each pop icon claiming that the others copied her very "original" style. This shit continues to happen for the next few hours and ends with Nicki attempting to crush Gaga with her ass and stab Madonna with her Kmart heels. We also find that Kesha (or Ke$ha) is trying to bite people while cannibal plays in the background and the remaining survivors take cover in a nearby forest.

*a few hours later because the narrator got tired and started watching America's Next Top Model*

It is well into the night and so far, the only casualties were Madonna's hip, Katy's Grammy nominations and everyone's eardrums (the blame is on xtina's vocals). Alliances have been formed, notable ones include Lady Gaga and Xtina as they perform their new single and Pink immediately dies from the shame of collabing with Xtina for lady marmalade, as well as Lana Del Rey and Lorde who are planning to murder anyone who sings about money and opulence (cough Nicki cough). Beef has also started between Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea aka igloo Australia about why white people don't have lips.

*This program will be interrupted with the airing of Beyonce's latest H&M commercial, viewing is mandatory for all citizens*

Well idgaf *turns tv off*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was insipired by The Nekci Menij Show webseries by David Alexander. (https://www.youtube.com/user/GingerTheHorse)


	3. Poor Kim Kardashian

Here are the updates on shit that happened during the night (the narrator fell asleep)  
\- JLo is still a horse  
\- Jessie J has taught baby pop star Ariana Grande how to speak  
\- Lorde dancing like a robot   
\- Adele and Nicki have formed an alliance and are crushing other people by falling on them from trees  
\- Rihanna is wearing marijuana leaves for clothes  
\- Iggy is ugly

RISE AND SHINE BITCHES!!!  
In the early hours of the morning, we find that Britney has emerged from her Starbucks lair with a shaved head and an armful of frapps. This causes JLo the horse to go into cardiac arrest and die as she thinks Britney with a shaved head looks like Pitbull and he's coming for more shitty collabs. 

Meanwhile in the Knowles-Carter home......

"Your majesty, reports have come in that Blue Ivy and North West have been spotted together on a beach in the Bahamas."

"Wtf Kelly stop rushing around, you'll wear my marble floors out. Well get my daughter home or this shady slaughterhouse mess will not stop."

Accidentally spilling her cup of tea on her $50,000 Versace skirt, Beyonce smiles and mentally teleports it away. Kim Kardashian later wakes up in the arena to find a stain on her skirt and Ke$ha trying to bite her ass off.

Calm yo tits Ke$ha it ain't even real...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from wattpad, original was written in 2014.  
> (https://www.wattpad.com/90711580-the-celebrity-hunger-games-who-run-da-world)


End file.
